September 17, 2013
In the dead of night, a Bell AB-212 descends onto the heliport of David Guetta’s Ibiza compound. A slim, tall African-American lady descends the stairs onto the tarmac. Her hair is styled in a mullet, or some shit.
A few minutes later, another helicopter lands, transporting a Caucasian female with an aggressive platinum blonde hairstyle. She looks like she could use a sandwich.
Neither has any idea why Mr. Guetta has summoned them. A few minutes later, when @mikewillmadeit, French Montana, Future, Nicki Minaj, Flo Rida, Pitbull, and Katy Perry ascend the helipad stairs, everything becomes clear.
Their mission, should they chose to accept it: craft The Song Of the Summer 2013.
This did not happen, but it kinda did…
July 31, 2013
“Remember how cold it was when you took the bus up to Montreal?”
“Winnipeg is colder.”
The above is an excerpt from an internet discussion between me and my homie in MTL. I think I had mentioned that Winnipeg seemed like a tight place to live, based on a)various Green Apple-affiliated videos I had seen b) the plaza that was one of the first ones that seemed to replicate Barcelona architecture and c)the return of the Jets.
He went on to describe a bleak, economically devastated metropolis where native gangs rule the streets at night. Based on Supper’s Ready and Modern Love though, Winnipeg appears to be a spot-filled metropolis where the particularly Canadian sense of humor–via SCTV/ Bill Murray–flourishes in skate vid form. Read the rest of this entry »
Triple Threat Book Review: “Infinite Crab Meats” by Byron Crawford, “Life”–the Keith Richards autobiography, & “Better If You Don’t Come Back” by Joseph DeMough
June 16, 2013
Infinite Crab Meats by Byron Crawford
One of the fun mental games we like to play at this web site is “Would [historical figure ] have skated?” I have created a spin-off: “What would [historical figure] have become had the internet been around?” Think of it like “Modern Seinfeld” in reverse, or some shit.
ANYWAY, do you think Bukowski would have been #Bukowski had the internet been around back then? Instead of blindly mailing off poems and short stories to pulp mags and periodicals, would he had started a blog—at the very least, a tumblr devoted to chicks with prominent calf muscles?
#comingsoon : Triple Threat Book Review: “Infinite Crab Meats” by Byron Crawford, “Life”–the Keith Richards autobiography, & “Better If You Don’t Come Back” by Joseph DeMough
April 23, 2013
The homie Galen has the skate book review game locked down. However, the following three things recently happened at the same damn time. First, after a year and a half, I finished the Keith Richards bio, which I had borrowed from my old man. Concurrently, @byroncrawford (one of my two favorite currently active writers) came out with a new book and hooked up an e-copy. A day or two later, Fat Thumb Publishing hit me up about reviewing Better If You Don’t Come Back – probably the first novel that addresses skate culture in a micro sense. So there you go. Check back in a week, I guess? This post is taking an extra long time cause I actually have to read stuff instead of formulating a thesis based on a video with some crooked grinds ‘n shit.
February 18, 2013
“What are you, some kind of masochist?,” as the one-shot intro to Pretty Sweet appeared on a drop-down screen at a local bar.
My friend posed this question to me after I told him that I had still not seen the vid almost a month after its digital web-based release. There is a good reason for this.
My 2001-era heavy-as-fuck tube tv had died, so I acquired a high definition tv as a replacement. Knowing that the release of Pretty Sweet loomed, my other friend recommended a blu-ray player because of all the aps that come with it, like Netflix and shit like that. So I had this whole new setup–just a chill place to watch physical skate vids, the NBA, and “Girls”(natch). I mean, if this is the last vid part for Carroll and them, I’m gonna watch it on my own terms, not like some suburban tri-state area hedge fund manager watching pRon in his upstairs office.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
January 24, 2013
#prettysweet and #parentaladvisory : a Venn Diagram w/ BONUS: a year-end list of the top 5 Frozen in Carbonite posts of 2012
December 23, 2012
“Videos are dead! No, wait! STOP THE PRESSES! Full-length skate videos are back, bro!” That’s what Transworld said, in paraphrased form. Finally, after obtaining a physical of Pretty Sweet, I carved out a chunk of time in which to view it, approximately a month after its premiere. However, with my local shop still awaiting shipment of the physical DGK film, I said “fuck it” and downloaded. More content based on these two films #comingsoon, but for now, I concluded that the occasion called for another Venn diagram. Indeed, this expansion into the realm of cinematic production values opens up a pandora’s box of new angles for skate video deconstruction. For example, does the narrative in Parental Advisory take place in the same alternate universe as every other skate video narrative?* Are Fabes and Minnick on the same police force as Hosoi from Blind What If? Do they serve the same law enforcement entity as the nebulous surveillance team from the A-Team section in RVD2?
ANYWAY, more content both relating to these vids and dealing with other stuff coming next year–maybe sooner. For now, I offer a year-end list of THE TOP 5 FROZEN IN CARBONITE POSTS OF 2012:
March – “Biebelism 101″
May – “A War to End All Wars”
*This is a Klosterman concept–the question of whether works of fiction take place in separate universes or one fictional alternate universe. However, can’t remember which essay in order to properly cite.
November 25, 2012
Is there a Gino of psychiatry/psychology? During my handful of visits, I should have asked my shrink this, but just explaining to her why Gino is Gino wouldn’t have been worth it, @ $200/hr.
Or would it?
November 13, 2012
I started this site (on the old blogger domain, before porting everything over to wordpress) five years ago today. Shoutout to anyone that has ever read, linked, or commented on my shit. Also shoutout to bobshirt and police informer (RIP) for inspiration. New content coming soon–a shoe review, or some shit. Within a week to ten days.