Janeane Garofolo…

December 24, 2007

She used to have this “bit” in her “comedy” act. It went like this–she’s walking through Washington Square park with a 12-pack of toilet paper, and all the skaters laugh at her. So she retorts “don’t you guys ever land anything?” So my friend Sam (who makes all kinds of videos now with Mark Gonzales for Krooked or whatever—sick, sick shit) and I said that if we ever saw her around, we would call her a “cunt.” He saw her once, but didn’t go through with it.
I thought about this because she has this “bit” on the Henry Rollins Show on the Independent Film Channel. I have no idea now many people watch this show–maybe 5. Maybe 100. But anyway, I try to watch it if it’s on when I’m feeding one of the twins. He usually has some interesting shit to say, like the one time he said that F. Scott Fitzgerald would never make it today because he would have to suck up to Oprah. He also usually has interesting guests, like Chris Walken and Steve Buscemi. So in Garofolo’s bit, she goes on and on about how she doesn’t have email and says all this sarcastic shit in some kind of 19th century voice that is supposed to be funny. Whoa–what a rebel–no email. Sounds like she’s still a cunt.
Rollins, as you might suspect, goes on lots of angry rants that show what an intense guy he is. You can tell he’s intense because he wears all black. One night, however, he said that “blogs” were fucking stupid because they make every housewife out there feel like what they have to say is important–something to that effect. First of all, Henry, you’re assuming that just because a person is a stay-at-home parent that they automatically have nothing interesting or valuable to say. WELL OF COURSE! Nothing could be as interesting as the life of a touring musician, which you complain about in much of your poetry (the majority of which, I am a fan of). That’s your job, bro? To travel around the world and sing in a band? That’s harsh, bro. Second of all, you have a blog on you own fucking site! And it couldn’t be more mundane! It’s all shit like “Had a productive day at the studio today. answered some emails.” Seriously? I don’t get it bro. Are “blogs” cool, or do they suck?

ps. Rollins is still decent because he appreciates Thin Lizzy. Any gentleman that appreciates the greatness of Thin Lizzy and Phil Lynott is alright. Kind of like how if you like U2 I automatically hate you, if you like Thin Lizzy there’s a 99.99% chance we will get along.

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