"Carroll had Stanford winning the whole thing."

April 5, 2008


A bold pick. Did anyone else see the Lopez twins’ creepy mom in the crowd, with that clipboard or legal pad? Actually, truth be told, if my twins ever ended up on the same Division I basketball team in the NCAA tournament, I would probably be out there with a fucking laptop and shit.
Yeah yeah yeah, I know police informer posted a Jovantae thing yesterday. I could post something else, but I have a theme here–MARCH MADNESS, BABY! I was going to title this post “March Radness” but I think that has probably been used to death–it sounds vaguely familiar.
By the way, does anyone else find Dick Vitale creepy as fuck–specifically, the way he gets super fucking excited about a bunch of college dudes? This dude also looks and sounds exactly the same as he did when I was in 7th grade. Anyway, just like Bird, Georgetown losing to Davidson blew my bracket all to hell. However, I have another one with UCLA winning the whole shit. And when it comes to the enjoyable workplace diversion of MARCH MADNESS, there are three main schools of thought:
First, there are the people that try to be scientific and do hours of internet research and watch all those “bracketology” shows on ESPN. A former co-worker of mine, who knew nothing about basketball, was like this. This never works because college basketball is the hardest sport to handicap. Why? because it’s just a bunch of fucking kids!
Then there is the dude that picks strictly according to seeding. That guy is a dick. Don’t be that guy.
Finally, there is the “gut instinct” strategy. “Georgetown has that badass image, and I think they have a seven-footer…that’s it! they’re going all the way, baby!” A corollary to this is that “whitey” teams like Bucknell always lose.
The most important thing to remember is that there is no skill or acumen involved here. There’s nothing worse that dudes that brag about how awesome they are about picking NCAA/NFL games, or how fucking amazing they are at fantasy football.
That brings me to another thing that vexes me about modern life–that’s it’s acceptable for 30-40-50 year-old dudes to get SUPER FUCKING INTO fantasy sports, yet skating is infantile. Also, it’s somehow acceptable, with the advent of Sunday Ticket, for dudes to lock themselves in a room every Sunday during NFL season with a cooler of Coors Light and a laptop and internet gamble. Skateboarding, though? infantile.
However, I must admit that gambling makes just about anything more interesting. Without it, I would legitimately not give a shit about this evening’s games. I am, though, fucking amped about the impending all-out bloodbath in the NBA playoffs–particularly in the West–a tournament about which Bill Simmons made this particularly hilarious comment:


With $100 million-plus in advertising profits at stake if there’s a Celtics-Lakers or Celtics-Suns Finals, it will be interesting to see if the Spurs get a single borderline call in May or June. My guess is that somebody on the Suns or Lakers could use a chainsaw and nunchaku to stop Duncan in a Game 7 and the refs wouldn’t call it.


Also, it unfortunately appears that the Warriors are going to get left out, unless the Mavericks further implode. That sucks because they’re the semi-official team of these dudes:


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