Career Corner: Skate Industry Lawyer

July 3, 2008

In the summer of 1998, I worked at the Columbia Law Library as a book-shelver media assistant type dude. It was a decent enough job, I suppose; I got off around four, so I could go down to the banks/Newport (wooden bench spot here) and skate. I was afforded a chance to use the dewey decimal system. Also, working in a library, surrounded by all that knowledge and shit, was perfect for a pseudointellectual such as myself. In addition, all the female law students were hot as fuck. I was told, however, that they were all engaged–no doubt to hedge fund managers from Darien, Connecticut or some shit.
At the time, I viewed lawyers with the same disdain with which I looked at investment bankers, stockbrokers, and other such professionals–as dudes that don’t actually do or produce anything of value. They just move money from one place to another. Or, in the case of lawyers, specifically, capitalize on people’s misfortune. Plus I wasn’t interested in taking another big fucking exam, and being surrounded by Tort all day highlighted the ponderousness of the whole law school/bar exam process. Moreover, for the most part, I’d rather be boiled in oil than argue with someone–anyone–and isn’t that what lawyers do, anyway?

That was before I knew how much lawyers make per hour. Besides, there are many different routes one can take with law degree. One can go the Meadow Soprano route and provide pro bono representation to people who can’t afford $5000 retainers. One can practice business/real estate law (don’t know exactly what goes on there). One can also practice entertainment law, and litigate the use of music and other intellectual property in films, television, and video games. My experience in that particular sub-field of law led to the genesis of this post.
In hindsight, I should have thrown my hat in the ring and become the world’s first skate industry lawyer. I would have been fucking awesome. Yes, I hate to argue. However, I am indeed Jewish. Furthermore, as documented on this site, I am adept at overanalyzing shit. Not to mention lawyers get to use the coolest office supplies, like yellow legal pads and those folders in which one can, after hole-punching, store the critical information recorded on said pads.

My thought process is as follows: entertainment lawyers seek to maximize the value of their clients. They compose and look over contracts to ensure their clients aren’t getting fucked. Would this not be a useful service to provide to dudes in the industry, especially with all the contracts they sign with multi-billion-dollar publicly traded corporations? This might already be a “thing”–that is to say, there might already be a firm or group of dudes that specializes in this sub-field. But if there isn’t, it simply stands to reason that wherever there are contracts and hundreds of thousand of dollars, there should be lawyers.
Fucking tons of lawyers.
So if you’re looking for a career, or feel like busting out of whatever unfulfilling dead-end job you currently hold down (i.e. bitter shop guy) and starting a second career, consider skate industry lawyer. What the fuck, right?

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3 Responses to “Career Corner: Skate Industry Lawyer”

  1. Zboy said

    Dude that was a fucking great read. I was especially smirking whilst trying not to laugh out loud during work at, “Not to mention lawyers get to use the coolest office supplies, like yellow legal pads and those folders in which one can, after hole-punching, store the critical information recorded on said pads.”Very funny. Although when you linked “overanalyzing shit”I thought for sure you were sending people to your Fully Flared review… Ha!

  2. ** said

    Hey, thanks….yeah, office supplies are rad.

  3. […] of a pulitzer for skournalism if there was such a thing. Feeding into my obsession with lawyers and their unavoidable stranglehold on the whole fucking world, Wenning also sheds light on industry […]

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