In the dead of night, a Bell AB-212 descends onto the heliport of David Guetta’s Ibiza compound. A slim, tall African-American lady descends the stairs onto the tarmac. Her hair is styled in a mullet, or some shit.

A few minutes later, another helicopter lands, transporting a Caucasian female with an aggressive platinum blonde hairstyle. She looks like she could use a sandwich.

Neither has any idea why Mr. Guetta has summoned them. A few minutes later, when @mikewillmadeit, French Montana, Future, Nicki Minaj, Flo Rida, Pitbull, and Katy Perry ascend the helipad stairs, everything becomes clear.

Their mission, should they chose to accept it: craft The Song Of the Summer 2013.

This did not happen, but it kinda did…

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"I don't fuck losers"

I recently sifted through an old CD binder on account of having to drive a car without satellite radio. In addition to some old Spitritualized b-sides ‘n  shit, I came across the cd single of “Every Me Every You” by Placebo, known to all skaters as “the first of two horrible songs that Mark Appleyard skated to transcendently in the early 00’s.” Indeed, if one were to grade Appleyard’s skating on a three-criterion rubric of power/style/control, few dudes would score higher. On the other hand, one would be hard pressed to think of a dude with a higher quality-of-skating to quality-of-music supervision ratio.

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thanks for clarifying that; I was under the impression that you dudes operated under a strict code of conduct

Back in the late Nineties, one of my drinkin’ buddies periodically wore this orange Poison shirt—the same color as the “go directly to jail” card in monopoly. I thought this was cool because, as you probably remember, bright primary color shirts, like yellow and orange were cool at the time–like those first run of “[INSERT CITY NAME HERE] 04” Fourstar shirts. He and I also often contemplated starting a sincere hair metal band. However, I am not sure if he knew how to play an instrument. I don’t think he even had a band name, which is the element one usually creates first in this kind of endeavor. All he had was one song title:

“Unprotected Love.”

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